What a Wonderful Week It Has Been

Marcus and I had a wonderful week with Jason, Lindsay and Finn. We were extremely sad this morning to see them go. Our house seems so empty and so quiet without Finn running around laughing and playing. We did a variety of activities throughout the week; many of which you can see in the photos below. However, the best times were just sitting and reading stories to Finn (though I did finally slip Hands, Hands, Fingers, Thumbs out of sight beneath the couch cushion) and teaching him words that Mommy did not really want him learning (nothing real bad--just words like no and stinky). I am already longing for the next time I get to visit with him.

By now I am sure that the catastrophes that have been befalling our house have become completely unbelievable but we had another one! I think it was Wednesday evening we noticed that the fridge in our garage was not keeping food cold so we called a guy to come out and check on it. He came out and looked in the freezer and said I had it overpacked (we went shopping right before Jason, Lindsay and Finn came and spent $700 on groceries so both the fridge in the house and in the garage were packed). SO I rearranged things, but the next morning we found that it was not any colder and the food in the freezer was beginning to thaw. We started running food to the neighbors freezer to try to save it and called a different repair man. Apparently some heating coils or something went bad so after another $200 we had a working fridge again. I am almost afraid of what could possibly go wrong next!!

Today we met with our realtor and finalized everything for putting our house on the market. As of Monday it will be available for showing. I am not looking forward to this--always having to have my house clean and having people traipsing through it. I hope it sells very quickly because the finalization for marcus' new job at the Pentagon came through today! As of October 15th he will be the new chief of the Advanced Concept Technology Demonstration Branch of the War Fighting Integration Division--isn't that a mouthful? I had to write it here so I can come back and check it when someone asks me what my husband does because I will never remember all that--heck I still don't understand what he will be doing but at least he will finally be putting his physics degrees to good use! LOL On that note, I need a nap in order to recover from this past week!

More of My Week In Photos

Playing In the Interactive Fountain at the Riverwalk

Enjoying Watermelon

Blowing Bubbles with PawPaw

At the Sci-Port Museum With PawPaw

Lindsay

My Week In Photos

Bayou Pierre Alligator Park

Tiny the 800 pound alligator

Finn contemplating Tiny!

Finn making a new friend

Fourteen Years and Counting

Today Marcus and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. That probably doesn't seem like a lot to some people but it is for me. I never imagined that I would find someone like him to share my life with. Yes, I know that sometimes I gripe about him and I am not always happy with him; nor is he always happy with me. And, of course, we have had our ups and downs together, but if I had to marry him all over again I would without a moment's hesitation.

I met Marcus during a time that I had completely sworn off men. I was just a year out of my second abusive marriage and was really working hard to overcome the issues in myself that prompted me to choose men who would treat me bad. I had no intentions of ever marrying again; I figured that my judgment had been so poor in the past that I had better not take any more chances. However, against my better judgment, I accepted his request for a date. I guess I thought that dating was safe as long as I didn't allow myself to fall in love. And our "dating" was safe in light of the fact that for the first month of dating Marcus insisted that my children come along on every date. Thinking back now I realize that that probably wasn't a smart thing on my part--allowing my children to become attached to someone I had no intentions of ever marrying or even having a long term relationship with. But he grew on me. He was so respectful, kind, and honest that it was hard not to like him.
I remember the night that I finally shared my past with him and told him that I didn't ever intend to remarry; he told me that he wasn't sure why but that my telling him that I never intended to remarry hurt his feelings.

Despite my revelations to him, he stuck around and it didn't take long for him to become my best friend. We shared everything with each other and finally, much to my chagrin, he won my heart. Though I really think he wormed his way into my heart through my children--they loved him and he loved them. How could I possibly not fall in love with this man? How could I even imagine living without him in my life? I couldn't, so I did what I swore I would never do--I married him! Thank God I did. If I died today I would do so knowing that I was loved, respected, and cared about.

Living with me is not always easy; I came to our marriage with a lot of baggage and many emotional scars. Marcus was so patient and so willing to accept and wait out the after affects of other men's abuse; he really must be a saint! His love makes me a better person; it reminds me everyday of the person I can be, of the person I want to be, of the person I am. Right along beside me, he has raised my daughters as though they were his; never once claiming them as step-children--they are HIS children. They are better people today because of his presence in their lives. There really are no words to convey how much I love this man -- I love his intelligence, his humor, his integrity, and even his ability to make me laugh when I am so mad at him that I just want to spit. I hope and I pray that I have another fourteen years and more with him.

Life Goes On

I've been terribly remiss in updating, but life has gotten completely out of control!! Marcus and I made it through his mom's funeral and though he still is in the grieving process, life has continued on. We jumped right back into preparing our house for the market, but everything seems to be going wrong. First, I broke the fiberglass bathtub in Shannon's bathroom (UGH) by putting the ladder down in the wrong place in the tub. It cracked the fiberglass and that cost us $160.00 to fix. Later that same day Marcus attempted to replace the drain spud in the same bathtub and cracked the damned fiberglass again!!!! That was another $160 plus $75 for a plumber to replace the drain spud for him. Then, yesterday I am minding my own business cooking dinner and Jason (Finn's dad) says "did you know your ceiling is leaking?" (insert fainting smiley here) We quickly realized that something was wrong with our AC and water was dripping from the vents in the kitchen ceiling--the very ceiling that I spent days repairing the sheetrock from the last AC leak we had!!! Chalk up another $150 for the AC guy! And on top of all of that our landscaper has disappeared in mid-landscape!! Thank God he hasn't been paid yet.

That being said, it is difficult to let all of that mess get to me because my sweet baby Finn arrived on Friday once again reminding me of the beauty and simplicity of life. Nothing can get me down right now when my sweet baby is running around my house full of giggles. We are having a great time; he really understands now who is gammy and pawpaw are and he especially adores his pawpaw. Yesterday we spent ours at the Sci-Port Discovery Center and today we just hung around the house enjoying each other's company (although, if I have to read Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb one more time I may go into a catatonic state). Tomorrow we intend to do the park and get in some swimming. I'm taking tons of photos and if I can figure out how to post them here I will do that when I have time.

BTW, that no smoking thing? Still going strong on week 5!!!!! Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me either though comments here, PMs, IMs, e-mails and chat!! It has meant the world to me and has really helped me stay strong!

Grieving

I had no idea this would be so darn hard! I feel extremely helpless and have no earthly clue how to comfort Marcus during his time of grief. Though, in all actuality he is holding up amazingly well. He hasn't cried or expressed grief since the day his mother passed away. I know he feels grief but I think he has pushed it all back and is keeping himself busy planning the funeral and getting his mom's affairs in order. On Monday we went to the funeral parlor and made all the arrangements; the people at the funeral parlor were amazing. They guided us through the entire process which was a good thing since we both were clueless on planning a funeral. That day on the way there Marcus stated to me that he just had this lump in his throat that never goes away. I think I understand that--I felt that way when Rena' passed away. Now he just says he is numb and he doesn't understand why he isn't feeling more. I told him the grief will come; I hope I have what it takes to be strong for him when it does come. I am expecting that will happen on Saturday at the funeral. I feel so bad for him; I cannot imagine what it must feel like to be parentless. Often I find myself wondering what to say to him. We spend a lot of time talking about his mom; I tell him good stories about his mom as it is all I seem to have to offer to him right now. I worry too; I worry about whether or not he will ever be the same again. And then I feel guilty for worrying about something that seems so selfish. Why does death have to be so hard?

Johnnie V.

Today was a very sad day; my mother-in-law, Johnnie, passed away this morning very suddenly. She and I did not always see eye-to-eye, nonetheless, she was a remarkable woman. She did things that very few African American women did during her generation. Straight out of high school in the early 50s, Johnnie left the small Louisiana town she was born in and attended Southern University where she earned a degree in math. She then moved to CA and attended the University of LaVerne and earned a master's degree in math. Johnnie later earned her PhD. in education at Pepperdine University.

Johnnie was very dedicated to the education of young students and spent many years teaching math at an inner city school in South Central Los Angeles. However, prior to becoming a teacher she has the distinguished honor of being one of very few women who worked for Lockheed Martin; in fact, Johnnie helped in the wing design of the Boeing 747. Pretty remarkable.

Even more remarkable to me is the fact that she managed to raise such a wonderful son. It could not have been easy for her, a young single mother, to raise a young man in South Central Los Angeles. Yet, somehow she managed to instill in him her own values for hard-work, education, and integrity. For that, no matter what our differences, I thank her. I am a better person for having known her.

Pass the Bengay, Please!

Yes, I am still alive albeit just barely! Every bone and muscle in my body hurts and my hair is a lovely shade of Behr white. Thank God this home improvement venture is coming to an end! Today Marcus and I are painting the crown moulding in the living room. Actually, I am painting the crown moulding and he is spotting me as I climb to the top of a very shaky twelve foot ladder. This is not my idea of fun! My calves are rock hard from climbing up and down and ass muscles are beginning to spasm and cry out in pain. I had best have a cute ass when this task is completed! LOL Once the living room is accomplished I need to finish Marcus' closet, Shannon's bedroom and bathroom and the laundry room. Then I have to pack everything up and move it into the garage before the carpet and tile people come on Tuesday. After all this work my house better sell within the first week of being on the market.

Speaking of houses, in September marcus and I will be making a trip to Virginia to house hunt. This will be the first time I have ever house hunted as in CO and here in LA Marcus picked out and purchased out home before I even arrived. I am looking forward to house hunting simply because it seems like fun and I can have a hand in deciding what aspects of a new home are most important to me. The market in VA (around the Pentagon area) is absolutely crazy. Homes are selling for small fortunes and rarely are on the market for more than a day. I've been stressing because I didn't think that any bank it their right mind would give us a mortgage loan for the kind of money needed to purchase a home equivalent to what we have now. I've had nightmares of living on the street, in a tent, or in my car. I've been driving Marcus absolutely crazy with my worry over this. Marcus is a fly by the seat of your pants sort of guy; he has faith that everything will work out. I am the exact opposite--I need at least three plans of action and even then I tend to focus on all the negative "what ifs." I guess he got tired of my worrying and contacted a mortgage broker who then called me and by the end of day she had us pre-qualified for more than what we should need!! What a load off my mind; now I feel like I can relax (somewhat cause there is always something to worry about you know!) and enjoy my house hunting. We do not intend to spend the amount a bank is willing to give us; yes, that would be a nice house but that is just crazy!

I am sure you all are just dying to know whether or not I still qualify as a non-smoker, right? It has been TOUGH, but I am still a non-smoker!!! It has now been over a week since I have had a cigarette. I still think about it often but at least I no longer find myself standing out in the garage thinking I am going to smoke. I've been really, really cranky the last couple days. So bad that no one wants to be around me; unfortunately for Marcus he is "stuck with me" (his words this morning after I yelled at him for the umpteenth time). I am sure he is secretly hoping that I take a nose dive off that twelve foot ladder! Instead of getting upset with me or just fighting back with me, he had adopted a new tactic for dealing with my grouchiness. When I start getting testy he flies across the room, wraps me in a bear hug and plants very wet and noisy kisses all over my face. It is extremely annoying because at that moment I just want to yell at him, not be loved by him. It is, however, very difficult to be angry at someone who is mauling you to death with kisses, so I usually end up laughing instead of yelling. Hey, whatever works I guess; give the man an "A" for ingenuity!